


Finders Keepers

by sherlockssexysocks



Series: You're-Havin-Our-Baby [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Baby!Fic, Clint is a smug dick, Crack, Cute, Exasperated Steve, Funny, Humour, M/M, Puppy!fic, Tony is a sweetie, adorable Bucky, shameless fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-23
Updated: 2014-10-23
Packaged: 2018-02-22 07:25:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2499491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockssexysocks/pseuds/sherlockssexysocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky has a habit of bringing Steve home things he doesn’t need. </p><p>He goes out by himself in the dead of night and returns with things that could only possibly be bought in a 24 hour convenience store. Steve now has enough car air-fresheners to decorate their Christmas tree with and there are only so many toothbrushes a man could possibly need. The fridge is stocked with enough energy drinks to fuel a rocket ship and Steve thinks he has tried every flavour candy bar invented in the past seventy years. </p><p>There <em>has</em> been a few memorable nights where Bucky had returned with something worthwhile.</p><p>(Like a box of flavoured condoms, for example.)</p><p>But, more often than not, Steve is forced to fake a smile and clap his friend on the shoulder, thanking him for his generosity.</p><p> </p><p>Or:</p><p>The one where Bucky brings home a baby</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finders Keepers

Bucky has a habit of bringing Steve home things he doesn’t need. 

He goes out by himself in the dead of night and returns with things that could only possibly be bought in a 24 hour convenience store. Steve now has enough car air-fresheners to decorate their Christmas tree with and there are only so many toothbrushes a man could possibly need. The fridge is stocked with enough energy drinks to fuel a rocket ship and Steve thinks he has tried every flavour candy bar invented in the past seventy years. 

There _has_ been a few memorable nights where Bucky had returned with something worthwhile.

(Like a box of flavoured condoms, for example.)

But, more often than not, Steve is forced to fake a smile and clap his friend on the shoulder, thanking him for his generosity.

Tonight is _not_ one of those nights. 

Tonight is the night Steve decides to put his foot down. 

 

*

 

“What is _that_?” Steve demands, blinking dumbly at the bundle in Bucky’s arms.

Bucky glances down at the _thing_ nestled in his jacket and shrugs.

“A baby.” 

Steve opens his mouth to speak but frowns when he realizes that _words fail him_. He folds his arms across his bare chest and watches the smaller man expectantly. The baby makes some kind of hiccupping sound and Bucky wrinkles his nose in confusion as he watches it. Steve feels his jaw drop when Bucky steps forward, still cradling the baby with an uncertain look on his face.

“Do you wanna hold it for a sec?” he mutters, proffering the child towards Steve.

Steve jumps backwards as though burned.

“Are you _serious?_ Where the Hell did you get a freakin’ baby from, Buck?” He demands.

Bucky finally looks up at him; a baffled look on his face.

“Whoa. Are you _mad_?” He exclaims as he places the baby down on the bed.

Bucky’s jacket falls open as the tiny creature kicks its legs in the air. Its baby-grow is stained and more than a little bit worn. Its fist is shoved its mouth and it sucks away enthusiastically, completely oblivious to how unwelcome it is. Bucky looks at it like it’s a puzzle, his head tilted to the side. He glances over at Steve and shrugs his shoulders.

“I don’t get what the big deal is.” He says with a put upon sigh, like Steve was the one behaving irrationally. 

Steve inhales deeply and tells himself over and over that _Bucky is in recovery, Bucky is in recovery_. Sam had told him that things could get weird, that Bucky might start acting strangely but kidnapping a child? Steve doesn’t know if he can handle that.

“Where. Did. You. Get. It?” Steve growls through gritted teeth. 

Bucky kneels down at the foot of the bed and gently touches one, pink, tiny foot with his metal hand. The baby jolts a little but then continues to press its feet against him. 

“Found her out by the dumpsters. I heard some kind of wailin’ noise and when I turned the corner, she was there, half-sheltered in a cardboard box.” He murmurs, his eyes wide and fascinated by her smooth, soft skin.

Steve’s scream dies in his throat and he takes one, deep steadying breath before backing his way out of their bedroom.

(He kind of wished that Bucky brought home the condoms again.)

 

*

 

“ _Okay, trying super hard not to laugh here but just tell me one more time what it is Barnes brought home?_ ”

Steve almost throws his phone against the wall. Almost.

“A baby, Tony. A real, live, human baby.”

He holds the phone away from his ear and waits patiently for Tony’s laughter to subside.

“ _Fuck, Rogers. You just cannot catch a break, can you?_ ”

Steve rolls his eyes and flicks the switch on the coffeemaker. He didn’t usually drink caffeine after seven but tonight was going to be a long night. 

“You gonna help me or not, Tony?”

There is a huff of more laughter at the other side of the phone but it is short and sweet. 

“ _Ok. I’ll be over first thing in the morning, how about that? And, yes, I’ll contact Fury and the local police department._ ”

Steve exhales slowly and cradles the phone closer to his face.

“Thank you, Tony.”

“ _No problem, Cap. See you tomorrow._ ”

 

*

 

When Steve returns to his bedroom, Bucky is in his bed clothes, cradling the baby who was now completely lost in one of Steve’s cotton t-shirts. He pauses a little at the door to take in the scene before him, his heart melting a teeny, tiny bit. 

But then the baby wails and Bucky looks up at him with a completely frazzled look on his face.

“She _keeps_ doing that!” He moans as Steve trudges into the room. 

“She’s probably tired.” Steve sighs.

He places his mug of coffee down on the bedside locker and climbs across the bed to try and help Bucky. She’s completely _drowning_ in the t-shirt Bucky gave her, her little face ducking beneath the collar every now and then. Bucky holds her out to Steve who fixes his partner with a filthy look before taking her in his arms. Her wails soften a little as she wriggles closer to Steve’s chest and Steve sits back against the pillows, making himself more comfortable. Bucky smirks when her cries drown out to a low grumbling sound. He leans closer and presses a kiss to Steve’s bare shoulder.

“Even _she_ can’t resist the mighty Captain America!” he declares mockingly, resting his chin close to Steve’s neck.

“Buck, I think I might actually have to kill you.” Steve whispers, watching as her red, puffy eyelids flutter shut.

Bucky yawns obnoxiously and rubs Steve’s back soothingly.

“You won’t.” he decides certainly. 

He rolls off of the bed and grabs Steve’s coffee on his way out the door. 

“ _Hey!_ ” Steve hisses furiously, keeping the volume down in order not to disturb the sleeping person in his arms. 

Bucky ignores him and pads out of the room as he downs the coffee in one. Steve grumbles under his breath and forces the tension out of his body and tries to relax. She makes a soft, contented sound in his arms and presses her face against his bare chest, her lips puckered against his skin. There is a smattering of brown freckles across the bridge of her nose and her hair is soft and dark. Steve begrudgingly decides that she’s cute. 

(A box of condoms would have been even cuter but never let it be said that Steve is bitter.)

When Bucky returns, he has a shoe box stuffed with newspaper under his arm. Steve doesn’t even wait for an explanation, just shakes his head.

“I think if I hear you say the words that my head will explode so, please, just get into bed and leave the box on the floor.” He orders.

Bucky looks more than little bit put-out.

“But what if we roll over and squish her?” he argues.

Steve fixes him with a look and shakes his head with even more adamantly. 

“We won’t. Now turn off the light and get in.”

 

*

 

They wake to the sound of wailing at approximately half six. Steve groans as he opens his eyes and meets Bucky’s exhausted, soulless gaze. For a moment, Steve thinks that it’s the Winter Soldier looking back at him but then Bucky blinks and Steve realizes that it’s not the dead stare of a brainwashed soldier but the desperate gaze of a man needing more sleep. 

“She must be hungry.” Steve croaks.

“I think I’ve slept for like, twenty minutes.” Bucky rasps. 

Steve wants to remind him that he’s the one who brought her home, but her tiny body is in the middle of having a violent fit between them so Steve kicks back the duvet and forces himself to go into the kitchen and find something a baby could eat. 

After a fruitless ten minute search, Bucky is pacing the kitchen with her cradled in his arms, _begging_ Steve to hurry up. Her wailing has increased in urgency and is at a pitch Steve decides is designed to make people feel bat-shit crazy.

“We don’t have anything!” Steve finally yells after Bucky asks him for the _millionth_ time if he’s found anything.

Bucky’s eyes widen and light up manically as he extends one, shaking metal finger to one of the drawers Steve hasn’t searched.

“Candy! We have _candy_!” he exclaims delightedly. 

Steve stares at him and seriously reconsiders his decision to make _Bucky_ his next-of-kin. He shakes his head and ignores him. He grabs his cell and presses his speed dial. It takes three rings, but there is a voice at the other end of the line.

“ _Better be a goddamn emergency if you’re waking me before seven._ ”

“Bucky found a baby and now it won’t stop crying and we think it’s cause she’s hungry but we literally have nothing in the house except some kind of soya milk but I read somewhere before that soya milk lacks the nutrients necessary to-”

“ _Mash a banana and some sugar together. You might have noticed that I’m choosing to ignore the fact that you’re crazy boyfriend kidnapped a child? That’s because I have another two hours sleep scheduled and I am not getting out of bed before nine. I’ll be over around half past and then we can discuss what happened. Goodbye._ ”

The line goes dead and Steve rushes over to their fruit bowl, grabbing the first banana he sees and practically mashing it with his fist.

“Sam said bananas are good.” He mutters as he searches their cupboards frantically.

Bucky makes a sound that’s close to a sob and races over to Steve’s side, still jostling her on his hip, making soft, shushing noises as he tries to coax her into quietening down. Steve mixes the food together in a bowl and grabs a small, plastic spoon they must have gotten with some takeout. He places a level amount of the mix on it and brings it up to her mouth. Her shrieking stops the instant the food touches her lips and she latches onto the spoon desperately, one of her pudgy hands coming up to reach for the spoon.

“Poor things starved.” Steve murmurs as he wipes the dribble on her chin with his thumb.

He glances up at Bucky and sees that there is a soft look in his eyes, one that reminds Steve of the days when he was sick and frail and Bucky used to nurse him.

“I really wanna fuck you right now.” Bucky breathes as Steve measures out the food on her spoon once again.

Steve flushes slightly at his words and forces himself to look into her deep, green eyes.

“Well, maybe if you had brought condoms home instead of a baby, we could be doing that right now.” He sings under his breath as she gurgles happily, her bright eyes sparkling.

Bucky raises an eyebrow but says nothing, leaning against the counter and holding her patiently as Steve continues to feed her.

 

*

 

Tony arrives and it takes him a good five minutes to stop laughing.

Because, really? He has seen Steve and Bucky face some of the most terrifying adversaries in the history of the world and come out the other side still standing. 

He has _never_ seen them look as exhausted as they do when he arrives at half eight. 

She’s wrapped in a blanket and snuggled against Steve’s chest when Bucky leads him into the living room and Tony is an asshole, so, yes, of course he takes a picture on his phone and uploads it to Twitter. But they don’t complain, not really, because Tony may like to humiliate them but he brought them every thing new parents could possibly wish for.

“And these little beauties are disposable diapers. Dunno if you guys heard yet but we don’t wash and reuse anymore. Less mess, less stress!” Tony declares, hurling a box of Pampers at Bucky.

He catches them and stares at them, nonplussed. 

“We…we gotta _change_ her too?” he whispers, a wide, terrified look beginning to grow around his eyes.

Tony raises an eyebrow and nods slowly.

“Well, _obviously_. Little thing is too tiny to know when it needs to go so you gotta put a diaper on her.”

Bucky gives Steve a pleading look and shakes his head.

“No. I can’t do that, Stevie. Please.”

Steve stares back at Bucky unsympathetically. He is exhausted and frankly? Bucky brought it home so he can look after it.

Bucky looks ready to bolt when Steve tells him as much. Thankfully Tony chooses that moment to intervene.

“Agents Romanoff and Barton have been contacted and I have information from a very reliable source that tells me Barton is a dab hand at changing diapers.”

 

*

 

Clint is a _pro_.

He bathes, wipes, powders and redresses her in the space of twenty minutes and magically, without any tears. Bucky watches him in awe and even participates by pulling on her little booties.

(Red ones with blue stars; never let it be said that Tony is subtle.)

When she’s all dressed and clean, he hands her back to Bucky and dusts his hands in a proud, accomplished manner.

“They call him the ‘Baby Whisperer’.” Natasha tells Steve with a smug look.

Steve’s kind of jealous that her one is good with kids whereas his just kidnaps them.

“It’s all in the hands.” Clint declares as he seats himself on the arm of the sofa.

“Well then I’m doomed to fail, seeing as I only have one.” Bucky pouts as he pawns the baby off to Steve who accepts her out of habit.

“What are we calling her?” Natasha asks, extending one hand and letting her pull on it playfully.

“Nothing.” Steve declares just as Bucky announces “Sarah.”

“I prefer Nothing. It’s unusual and I don’t think many other girls would have it.” Clint deadpans.

Steve turns his head to face Bucky, a squeezing feeling in his chest and he offers him a small smile.

“Sarah?” He repeats.

Bucky half-smiles back and shrugs his shoulder.

“Yeah. Figured if we ever had kids, we’d name one of them after your ma.” 

The room falls silent and everyone goes a little gooey-eyed. It’s soon broken, however, by Sam’s entrance.

“Alright people, we can stop panicking, I’m here to put an end to this chaos!” He declares as he flings the living room door open.

He freezes as he takes in the boxes and boxes of baby things and Steve and Bucky curled up beside each other on the sofa, cooing over the little bundle on Steve’s lap. Natasha and Clint are seated at either end of the chair whilst Tony is standing behind them all with a soft expression on his face.

He clears his throat and looks between them all dramatically.

“I feel like I’ve just walked in on the goddamned Nativity scene.”

 

*

 

“Right, so Fury said you’re not allowed keep it and-”

“Sarah.” Bucky interrupts.

Tony nods, accepting his mistake and continues.

“Fury said you’re not allowed keep _Sarah_ and NYPD said they’d send over a social worker around twelve.” He explains.

Bucky stops waving his rattle and fixes Tony with a confused look.

“But we could keep her if we wanted to. We could adopt, couldn’t we?” 

Steve glances at Bucky sharply and raises an eyebrow.

“But we’re not gonna adopt, are we?” he asks.

Bucky shrugs one shoulder and gives Steve small smile.

“We could if we chose to.”

Sam snorts at this and shakes his head. Clint elbows him _hard_.

“I don’t think right now is the right time to adopt.” Natasha advises quietly.

Tony and Sam nod in agreement. Steve looks away from Bucky’s pleading eyes and gives one small, tight nod of his own head.

“I agree. It’s not something we’ve discussed and-”

“Well, let’s discuss it now then, assface.” 

Bucky’s annoyed. His nose is crinkled and he’s pouting like _always_ does when he doesn’t get his way.

“Buck, we’re not adopting Sarah.” Steve says firmly, his eyes boring into Bucky’s determinedly.

Bucky raises his chin defiantly and shrugs his metal shoulder casually.

“Why not?” he pushes.

“Because he’s Captain America and you’re still in recovery.” Tony answers bluntly. “That’s reason enough for now.”

“I didn’t ask for your counsel.” Bucky sneers and Steve knows things are gonna turn ugly if he doesn’t intervene. 

He shoots Tony a warning look and places a hand on Bucky’s knee.

“We’re not ready. We can talk about it, sure, but we’re not _there_ yet. We’re just getting used to each other again. We can’t bring a baby in on top of this. It wouldn’t be fair.”

And _shit_ , Steve wishes this conversation was in private because he wants to kiss the disappointment and resignation off of Bucky’s face.

“You guys could always get a puppy?” Clint offers helpfully and Steve wants to _punch_ him for being so-damn-helpful because Bucky’s face lights up like the Fourth of July and he gives Steve his most excited look yet.

“Yeah, Stevie! We could get a puppy!” He exclaims delightedly.

Steve swallows the litany of swearwords trying to spill from his mouth and nods his head non-committedly. 

“Uh huh, we’ll see, pal.”

 

*

 

For all his talk, Steve is more than a little bit sad when the social worker arrives. Her name is Liz and she’s very sweet about the whole thing, telling Bucky over and over that he did the right thing. 

(She also eyes his metal arm warily and makes sure to keep her distance.)

“We’ll make sure to find her a good home.” She promises.

“If you don’t, we’ll take her back?” Bucky offers, trying to sound nonchalant but failing to keep the desperation from his voice.

Liz smiles gently and shakes her head.

“I’m afraid not. You’re not registered with any adoption or fostering agency so we couldn’t.”

“You can register online, can’t you?” Clint points out with a sly grin.

Liz nods enthusiastically and launches into a speech about their online application process and Steve wants to murder Clint because Bucky is _hanging on her every word._

“Ok, ok, and how long does it take to process all that?” Bucky asks.

“Six months to a year.” Liz announces with a bright smile.

Steve’s heart aches a little when Bucky’s face falls. 

(He also feels like doing a little jig out of relief.)

After they’ve worked through Liz’ questions and paperwork, they are given a chance to say goodbye to Sarah. Steve presses a gentle kiss to her forehead and gives her belly a little rub before straightening up.

“See you, girl.” He whispers as Bucky slips his hand in his.

Bucky doesn’t kiss her goodbye, just keeps chatting animatedly by his side about the puppy they’re going to get and Steve knows that this is his way of dealing with goodbye.

(Bucky was never good with those.)

 

*

 

“Still wanna fuck me?” Steve whispers against the shell of Bucky’s ear.

They’re in that _stupid_ shwarma place that Tony is obsessed with, surrounded by the rest of the Avengers. Tony had insisted after Sarah’s departure that they go out and have a meal. It had seemed like a good idea because Steve was _starving_ but now that his stomach is full, he decides that he was hungry for something else entirely.

Bucky takes a sip of his drink and gives a small nod. Steve grins and fakes a giant yawn, stretching in his seat and shaking his head.

“Gosh, we’re beat after that. Been a long night, think we might hit the hay, whaddya say, Buck?”

Bucky sniffs and nods.

“Yeah. I’m exhausted.”

Sam shakes his head in disbelief and waves a kebab stick at them.

“You’re fossils. Two ancient fossils.” he declares.

Natasha rolls her eyes and swallows her food.

“ _Please_. They’re feeling broody; let’s all just say a quick prayer of thanks that they can’t get pregnant.” She teases.

Steve flushes a little and fixes Natasha with a pious look.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He says primly, before walking out of the restaurant and racing Bucky home.

 

*

 

“ _Fuck_ , Stevie, right there.” Bucky gasps as Steve thrusts his fingers in and out. 

It’s Round Three and two hours later. There was a brief refraction period because only one of them is a super- _super_ -soldier but neither of them were complaining. Their apartment was silent save for the sounds of Bucky’s ragged breathing as Steve fingered his ass.

“You like that?” Steve grunts as he moves his fingers in a way he knows will make Bucky’s toes curl.

The dark haired man pants harder and nods, his eyes squeezed shut as he resists the urge to reach for his leaking cock.

“You look so good like this, Buck, so open and ready for me, you want this so-”

Steve is silenced by the sound of the front door opening. Bucky bolts upright and this is where his training kicks in. He pushes Steve away and leaps out of the bed before Steve has time to even draw his next breath. His pants are on and his weapons are drawn in the blink of an eye. Steve wipes his hand on the bed sheets and rolls off the mattress and onto the floor. He steps into his shorts and follows Bucky down the hallway, nowhere near as stealthy or as silent as his partner.

He freezes at the sound of something scuttling along the tiles and when he blinks next, there are two Labrador pups turning the corner and racing towards them. Bucky drops his knives and falls to his knees, a huge smile spreading across his flushed cheeks.

“ _Clint!_ ” He exclaims joyously.

Steve feels his own knees go weak as he watches the puppies jump into Bucky’s arms and lick his face.

“Clint.” He growls as the man in question walks down the hall.

Clint winks at Steve and ruffles Bucky’s hair.

“Thought it’d be good for ol’ Sarge here to get himself a few recovery pups. Might help him along the way.”

And okay, Steve is a little bit touched by the gesture but he knows Clint is trying to piss him off more than he’s trying to help Bucky.

“That’s so thoughtful.” Steve says through gritted teeth as Bucky giggles childishly as the pups wriggle about in his arms.

Clint shrugs casually and grins a shit-eating grin.

“Just helping out a friend in need.”

 

“Can we keep them?” Bucky suddenly demands, turning and beaming at Steve like it would mean the absolute _world_ to him.

And Steve knows that next week Bucky is going to ask if they can ‘keep’ something else because that’s the way he is right now; determined to house anything that may feel homeless, abandoned or alone. Steve also understands _why_ he’s like that right now so he nods slowly and gives his friend a warm, reassuring smile.

“Sure we can, jerk.”

**Author's Note:**

> Shameless crack, indulgent fluff.
> 
> A sequel regarding the puppies? Lemme know!


End file.
